I have never officially written a blog I got on blogger.com for a philosophy class which I realize I took almost eight years ago. I do not consider myself a writer, but I love, love, love, to talk. In the last two weeks, I have been dealing with laryngitis, and I cannot talk as much as I want to because it hurts. I never realize how much I needed to speak until now when I can't it is honestly more painful mentally and more challenging than I ever thought it would be.  I've always felt the need to fill uncomfortable silence with chatter (I am annoying that way) it actually embarrassing. It's my way of getting that nervous energy out. To fill the noise in my head. It soothes me.

       In the past few years, I have had to remove myself from friends and let people go because of my need to tell people so much of my life. There were moments in my life that nothing was going right and I was looking around, and everyone seemed to be living their dreams while I was living a nightmare. I was becoming toxic to my self with envy and to others because I was happy for them and hurt because I was not there. I was angry with my struggles and impatient waiting on my turn. Asking "WHAT LESSON ARE YOU TRYING TO TEACH ME"?  It was a hard transition because the more people I let go, the fewer people I have to talk to, but the more time I had to think about the lesson in that moment of struggle.  I have a few people I consider friends that I spoke with but not many. Some I met recently other I known since I was a kid. I always hear people say no new friends but these women were exactly what I needed. 
                   At 34yrs old, I am figuring who needs to know what about my life and who I should leave completely alone. 
I am also learning to set boundaries in my relationships. I am learning to separate myself from people and things that can be draining.  
So the best way for me to go through this transition is writing. I want to get my thoughts down and work on me, but sometimes I just can't type fast enough.  
    I am taking this time to work on my life, my thoughts and my spelling and grammar, I am working on it all. I have so much I need to do, and it's time to do it. I know my time is running out and I need to do what I came to earth before it's too late! It's not that I am going die it knowing that it is time to get ready for my purpose! I wasn't ready, and the opportunity is approaching I have to be willing, so it won't walks right by me. The people I loved and were being blessed went through the struggled, learned the lesson and was ready for their opportunity. The thing with social media is that people will highlight their great moments but never show you their struggles and that ok but do not measure yourself with what seems to be their lack of fight. Their struggles and lessons are going on behind the scene, and comparison always ends up with the feeling of defeat!